FRIDAY:

wasnt a good start to the weekend of course cuz of that car accident and im still kicking myself for not going to the hospital right then cuz all of friday night i was soo worried. i layed in bed just zoning in on every pain i had in my stomach *which is normal for 15 weeks* i ony got 3 hours of sleep that night which layed the tone for Saturday morning.

SATURDAY:

i started Cramping during the night *again, normal* so around 8:30 i left my house trying to find the closes urgent care Doctor *i didnt think it was necessary to go to the ER cuz it was more for my peace of mind* i drove around for an hour trying to find that damn place! and from there kinda lost it from frustration and lack of sleep..i  just started crying and letting my mind go off on all these crazy scenarios  about my baby..by the time i got home i was already convinced i lost the baby..my mind racing of what i was going to tell my family..my dad mostly, who last miscarriage laid in my bed holding my hand as i cried for hours. Sol had to convince me to get out of my car *i was in the drive way crying for a while*but when i got out of the car i didnt want to get back in, i didnt want to go to the doctors just to find out what id been fearing so we just sat on the couch watching Tv. We’d made plans with Sols mom to get coffee that afternoon but by the time id tried on everything in my closet i couldnt see myself leaving the house in anything, i honesty looked horrible and fat and AGAIN lost it..crying in my bathroom..ive gained about 30+ pounds already in my pregnancy *just typing that makes me cring alittle* but i couldnt look at myself in the mirror without getting weak in the knees and crying a river so i told Sol leave without..which i think was good for both of us cuz i got to catch up on alittle sleep and he got some alone time with his mom. He returned acouple hours later with Flowers, which automatically put me in a better mood. after an hour of sitting in bed with him i decided i NEEDED to go to the doctors just to KNOW for my sanity, after getting there *and letting him drive* the nurse informed us that they didnt have the right equipment for the job and sent us to the ER…at 6pm on a saturday night..we were there for 4.5 hours but worth every minute just to know the “bean” was alright..after our first ultrasound to make sure there was a heartbeat i felt blood and sanity enter my head again, i felt SOO much better seeing it moving around but we still werent out of the wood, the placenta sack could have detached and blood could have been behind it so we had to wait an hour for the room to become open..which was fine cuz me and Sol just giggled and messed around the whole time.. by the time the second ultrasound came we are so delirious from that little room, everything was funny. i asked if Sol could come watch *he missed the first ultrasound acouple months ago where i first saw the baby bouncing around* so we both sat there as the lady examined my ovaries and the baby…it was the CUTIEST thing EVER..the baby litterally was laying on its back just kicking my insides..like soo nonchalant and natural, like it does it all the time..after that i was on top of the world, i could breath again! and i was happy Sol finally saw the “bean” moving around. It seemed Happy…like im actually doing something right..and suddenly i was embarrassed for the way i acted before, my weight means my baby is getting what it needs and i hate the person ive become..and seeing that baby i realized i COULDNT lose it, it was a person with a heart and limbs and a personality and i have to do everything in my power to make sure this baby comes out in 5 months healthy..even if it means gaining 100+ pounds!

SUNDAY:

me and Sol took it slow in the morning, going to Cafe Niche for brunch and just bumming around before the Arts festival. Around 4 we picked up Shantuay and headed downtown for the festivities, it was sooo hot and crowded and i got more the a hand full of stares but it was so nice to be outside in the sun..i enjoyed every minute! i ate tons of junk food and got a sweet tan. after that me and Sol had planned on going to the Mewithoutyou Show earlier that day but when it came time to go we were so drained by the sun we decided to go see a movie instead..FINALLY “Away we go” came out, we’ve been waiting for about a month to see it..its such a good movie, it was perfect for what we were going through. after the movie we stopped at del taco and went home to watch a few more movies *movies are our new beer*

i had such a good weekend, it was just what i needed to get out of my silly rut

This entry was posted on Monday, June 29th, 2009 at 7:31 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.